12.07.2016

Rocky Update

photo from two years ago today, pregnant with Cam

It's been almost two months since we lost Rocky. And it's still really hard. 

Sometimes it feels like it's not real that he's gone, but instead just a nightmare and he will be back with us soon. I feel crazy saying that, but it's the truth. His bed and toy basket are still sitting under my desk because I can't bear to pack them into our basement just yet. His food is still in the bottom of our pantry because it feels wrong to throw it away. It almost feels like if I do those things that it will be real that he's gone and not coming back, and I'm not ready for that quite yet. There are still times when I will turn my head around and go to say "love you Rock, we'll be back!", which is what I would do and say every time I left the house.

Camden still mentions him and says his name almost daily. We know he misses him, they were best buddies for almost two years. Ever since Rocky passed Camden has become obsessed with Paw Patrol, and for those of you who don't have kids and watch the show one of the pups names is Rocky. We got him a stuffed animal Rocky from the store and he now sleeps with it every night and carries it all over our house. Camden's 2nd birthday is next month (a post for another day) and I was going to do a Mickey Mouse theme for it, but I decided the other day to change it to do Paw Patrol. It just feels right! I love the idea of incorporating Rocky (+ the other characters from the show) into his birthday party, considering the circumstances.

I mentioned on this post that we decided to have Rocky cremated and I was very unsure about it at first, but over the past month and a half since he's been gone it's provided us with a lot of comfort. I kiss his little urn every night (which turned out beautifully) and it (he) sits right next to our bed.

I have no real point to this post, other than to get my feelings out there and say loss is difficult and comes in waves. No matter what type of loss - human or pet. Also, I would love it if maybe the take away for those reading would be to go home and love on your pets for me. And if you have kids, take some time out of your night to play or cuddle your pet a little more than usual. Love them just a little bit harder this holiday season for me.

19 comments

  1. darn..I should have known better then to read this at work..tears in my eyes! I will definitely give my dog Mia extra cuddles!

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  2. And I'm a crying mess at work! I know these feelings all too well. Although Hemi came into my life quite quickly after losing Howie, I still had all these feelings too. Keeping you all in my thoughts this holiday season! And I'm definitely going to give Hemi lots of extra cuddles tonight when I get home!!

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  3. Ugh, hate this for y'all. We had Brady cremated with intentions of burying him at Cameron's parents house on the river, which he loved going to. Yet he's still at our house. Like you mentioned with his food and bed, if we bury him it will seem like we are forever saying goodbye and after a year and a half (I know, I know), I still can't do it.

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  4. Hi Katie- I've followed you for years, reading and enjoying your blog posts. I'm so sorry for your loss. We just had the same experience with our beloved little black lab puppy who passed away around the same time on 10/20. It was by far the most tragic and horrific thing I've been through. My husband and I had our hearts completely broken.

    Everything you're feeling is exactly what I've been going through. He was our first and only baby so far so the empty house has been so difficult. But all the people there for us have helped so much. This song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQX1iQCQhqM) really got me through it.

    I just keep imagining that he's watching us and making sure we're OK even though we miss him more than words could ever say.

    Thinking of you <3
    Kate
    @BostonKateC on Instagram

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    1. Kate,
      I just sent you a message on instagram. Can't thank you enough for this comment, I actually cried reading it. Your support means a lot and I am so beyond sorry to hear you are also going through the same thing. It's not easy, especially around the holidays. Will be keeping you and your family in my prayers!

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  5. Grief is like an ocean ebbing and flowing. This put a knot in my throats just reading it. I start every morning by hugging finn (honestly my husband thinks I'm a freak!) You just never know how long they get to stay here with us. Glad you got him cremated and he still gets to be by your side. Xoxo hugs friend.

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  6. I am sorry and I wish I could say it will get easier soon. It took about a year for me to be able to remember my first "child" Bailey who we lost at 13, without tearing up. He was the dog of my heart if you will-my attachment was profound. I didn't remove his bed or food for many months. You will know when you are ready. Take your time. It sucks-it really does:(

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    1. Thank you Carrie. I'm sure a year from now I will still feel this way, but I guess that just means he left a lasting impression on us and we were lucky to have that kind of love in a dog. Thank you for the support and sorry to hear about your pup as well <3

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  7. I'm so sorry. It's a tough road. We lost my cat, who was my best friend, almost two years ago when I was about 6 months pregnant. It was so difficult. She was almost 18 and I'd had her since she was four months old. We'd been through everything together. I still struggle with the fact that my son never got to meet her, but I cherish the pictures I have of her laying on my belly. Like you, I couldn't bring myself to throw out her food for months. It just felt wrong. Like I was forgetting her or something. We too opted for cremation and her urn is on my dresser. It's nice to be able to talk to her and kiss her goodnight every night before I get into bed. It takes a long time, and I can't say it gets easier, but you get used to the new normal of not having him around. Hang in there.

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    1. thank you so much, Mary. Yes, it's hard when you spend so many memories and years with them and they're suddenly gone. I'm sure your pup is watching down on your son! thank you for the kind words.

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  8. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Being a crazy dog mom myself, these posts break my heart.. but it's so sweet to read how much your family loved Rocky. Wishing you solace at this time.

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    1. thank you so much Chelsea! means a lot!

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  9. Like Mary said, it takes a long time, but it does get easier. We also had Lilly cremated when she passed on, and I am grateful we ultimately made that decision because we will move soon and that means she can go with us to our new house and always be with our family. I really like your thoughts for the Paw Patrol theme for Cam's birthday party. I think that is perfect :) I am so, so sorry for your loss Katie; I know how much it feels like a part of your heart is missing. Hugs sister.

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  10. Been praying for you friend. I so hate that you had to experience loosing Rocky at such a special time. I know that the days can be good and then they can be bad. I'm so glad you have all your photos and his special urn to remind you of how much he was loved and loved you in return. Sending big Texas hugs.

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  11. Your love for Rocky is so evident, it's just heartbreaking. I've tried paying extra attention to Wilson and love on him in tribute to Rocky. Thinking of you lots!

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  12. My heart hurts for all of you. Our pup is going to be 10 in January and I can't imagine so,etching happening to her. She's my best bud and little shadow. Going to love on her now!

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  13. Big hugs to you - I've never met you or Rocky, but my heart absolutely broke when I read that he passed. What a sweet, sweet little boy he was. Speaking from my own personal experience, I can still easily be brought to tears thinking of my family dogs, who have passed away, or imagining anything happening to my sweet puppy. They are such precious creatures, and I wish they all lived to 100!

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  14. My heart is broken for y'all. I am sending a big virtual hug! Jess at Just Jess

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