9.10.2013

Be Someone



Death is an interesting thing.

Today, I could be celebrating my Mom's 61st birthday with her.

I could have spent the last twelve years making memories with her and laughing with her, instead of visiting her grave only to wonder what those memories would have been.
I could have saw her in the crowd when I graduated high school and then when I went on to graduate from college.
I could have had her by my side when I was planning my wedding*
I could have those fun shopping trips that mothers and daughters have together
I could actually see how beautiful she is today, instead of wondering what she would look like, or what she would wear, or what she would want to do for her birthday.

I also could have a completely different life.

If it weren't for her and her death...

I wouldn't have learned how to face extreme hardships at such a young age.
I wouldn't have learned how to become that strong, confident woman on my own.
I wouldn't have completely blossomed in college into a new, independent woman.
I wouldn't have the caring, sympathetic attitude towards others that I do now.
I wouldn't have been able to help my friends/other family who were dealing with a loss.
I wouldn't have formed a special, unique bond with my Dad.
I wouldn't have her journals that always seem to teach me a new lesson each time I read them.
I wouldn't get those *heart pumping moments* when strangers (to me) stop in my office to tell me how my mother impacted their life.

Maybe I wouldn't have this feeling, that I do now, that my life and the path I've taken is exactly where it should be. 


My point is this...there are too many I could have this or I could have got to experience that. I could have had it so much easier, yes, but would have it been worth it? I would give anything to have her here still, but I can't help but think of all the amazing things she has taught me. Today, for her birthday, I think my Mom would want me to focus on what I do have. Which is a heck of a lot more than I had twelve years ago when I thought my world was over. I know she would be proud.

"All this time I was finding myself
and I didn't know I was lost"

Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you.

*and besides, most of those "could have" moments above? I know she was right there with me, the whole time, pushing me through.



 

49 comments :

  1. love your post today babe! Your mom would be so proud of you today with everything you've accomplished and the person you've become. She's taught you so many things and you're just starting to realize them.

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  2. Such a sweet post today, Katie. Thanks for sharing....I'll be hugging my mom a little tighter when I see her again!

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  3. Happy Birthday to your momma! This is a beautiful post. It is hard for us to realize why things happen. Why we lose people at such a young age, why they arent here with us anymore. But I know those people are watching over us. Yes it is hard, so hard, but we need to make the best of it. Like you said all those things you have learned from it, the person you have become....she would be so proud! And I know she is with you every step of the way.

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  4. Thinking of you today! I think your mom would also be so proud of the joy that you bring to all of us in the blog world :)

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  5. You are amazing Katie! I am so inspired by your positive attitude and your story! Keep your head up sister! Thinking of you today and sending prayers your way for a good day filled with happy memories of your mama!

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  6. your mom would be VERY proud of you. thank you for reminding us all to not focus on the could but to be thankful for what we have. You have such an amazing heart!

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  7. Crying as I write this... I lost my mom five months ago. And while she was there for some of my major life moments, there is still so much you need your mom for. Thank you for writing such a great post and Happy Birthday to your mom!
    I hope I'm able to have more of your attitude as time passes. Your mom would be so proud of you:)

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  8. This is such a lovely tribute to your mom! I know she's so proud of you! Thinking of you today!

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  9. This is an amazing tribute to your mother, Katie. Beautifully written... I often think of the same exact things, and admire your strength. My dad's (would have been 61st also) birthday was in July for me, and it never gets easier, but posts like this really give others with loss such a positive outlook and reminders that they are still very much here with us. :)

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  10. Your strength and perspective astounds me. The truest testament to what an amazing woman your mom must have been.

    Sending you hugs today.

    xo ~
    Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings

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  11. Such true words, thinking of you today!!

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  12. wonderful post and words to share. thinking of you today! :) *

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  13. Happy Birthday to your mama! I couldn't agree with you more that although she may not be physically here. She has been helping to guide and light the path for you. You carry her on in your heart wherever you go. Thinking of you today! Xoxo

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  14. Such a great attitude to have! I have no doubt your mama is proud of the woman you are. Happy Birthday to your sweet angel.

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  15. Such a well-written post. I still try to remember these things in regards to my mom (who would have been turning 59 this November), and some days are always harder than others.
    I'm sure your mom would be proud of your grace and perspective on this.

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  16. Well said! I lost my mom at age 10 to breast cancer and just recently lost my father -a week before his 67th birthday). Both of those events have made me who I am and I strive to enjoy my life and my time in earth. It really puts things into perspective.
    Kristin

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  17. Beautiful post! I have tears in my eyes. I am so jealous of the relationship that you had with your mom. Happy Happy Happy Birthday to your gaurdian angel. Sending hugs your way! xxxx

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  18. Love your attitude on life! Also, today is my step-brother's half sister's birthday. (i know that's hard to follow). She would have been 19 today, but she was killed when she was 15. So today as we celebrate her and what could have been, I'll light an extra candle for your mom and hope that they're having a celebration together.

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  19. Sarcastic Stephanie is gone for the day...Serious Stephanie is stepping in.

    Katie...I LOVE this post SO SO much. You know how much this hits home for me. This entire post got me thinking...would we have ever "met" via blog world had we not had such similar stories? Would I have ever known there was a best friend (you) out there for me if we both hadn't connected on a level like we have? I really don't think so. Funny how stuff like that works.

    I told you this last year and I'll tell you it again and again every year from here on out...I am SO thankful for your mom being born because if she weren't, you wouldn't have been either and LORD KNOWS my life would be a whole lot more empty, less-cool, less fashion-forward, and less entertaining if it were not for Y-O-U. Love you my little Katiebug! Lets have drinks for Momma Krysh this weekend! :) TWO FRIGGIN' DAYS!

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  20. Shit! *Momma "WHALEN"...I'm so bad at this lol.

    Hope you got a laugh outta that! ;)

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  21. So I don't even blog anymore - or read anymore. But I just had to read this and had to comment. I just love you and your sweet heart. I so often think about you and your momma and the things you don't get to experience. But I know, the sum of all of our hurts and our pains make us who we are today. And I'm so glad that blogging lead us to be "friends." Keep your head up, sweet cheeks. xoxo

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  22. Im new to your blog but I love it. This is so inspirational and so are you.
    Megan

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  23. Katie, this post made me tear up almost instantly. I think your attitude is absolutely amazing & I know she has to be so incredibly proud of you.
    I'll be thinking about you & your sweet fam today!
    Xoxo

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  24. You are such a strong girl! This is an amazing post. She would be proud of the woman you are today!

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  25. Love this post and your attitude towards life, you are truly inspirational! Have the best time on your trip, you deserve it :)

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  26. What a beautiful heart you have; thank you for sharing it with us. Happy Birthday to your Mommy in heaven :) Sending you hugs. xx

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  27. *Hugs* for you today, sounds like your mother was an amazing person.

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  28. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Happy Birthday to your Mom in Heaven and my thoughts are with you today.

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  29. Thinking of you today girlfriend! You've got the best guardian angel and I know she's got a hand in all the good that is in your life! Celebrate it!

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  30. We all need to think like this during those not so happy times. I love this post and thank you for sharing!

    Jill
    Classy with a Kick

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  31. Beautiful. You made me tear up and think about my little brother who passed away last year. Thinking of you today!

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    1. so sorry for your loss, Tiffany. Thank you, I will keep your brother in my thoughts as well!

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  32. Beautiful way to honor your mom, and very very true. You have a beautiful soul Katie. Have fun in Chicago with Stephanie!

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  33. "That which we have once enjoyed, we never lose. All that we deeply love becomes a part of us!"
    Sending lots of love and prayers your way! It's amazing how the death of someone we care SO, SO much about can affect us and change us.. how we learn from it and grow from it. I love this post! XOXO

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  34. Thank you so much for writing this. I really really really needed to read it today. I have those "could have" thoughts way too often, and I know it's part of grieving, but it can bring me into such a deep dark hole that I feel consumed by it all, and I need reminders like this to keep going. I love what you said. And you're right: she's always right beside you. Hugs and happy birthday to your sweet angel mom!!

    xo

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  35. Of course I have tears in my eyes after reading this. Thanks for sharing your heart with us Katie. Sending lots of hugs your way today!

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  36. This is such a great post Katie...it made me cry but it also warmed my heart with how positive you can be and how everything happens for a reason. I lost my dad last year and it's still hard for me sometimes, but I know everything you wrote is right. Our parents will always be a part of us, shaped us into who we are, and will always look over us. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I found your blog a few months after my dad died, and reading your stories about your mom has really helped me. I know follow your blog regularly and love reading all your posts. Sending positive energy your way and know your mom would be proud of you :) Thank you for sharing and making this part of my life feel easier and relatable.

    Dee

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    1. Dee,

      you are too sweet. thank you for the kind words. truly! Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I know you are an inspiration to someone out there as well (just like you think I am..which makes me really happy to hear!). Thoughts are with you, too!

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  37. Such a touching post today. I think its great how positive you're being. Just keep focusing on the time you did get to spend with her, some people arn't even that fortunate. Happy Birthday to your amazing mom :)

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  38. Happy birthday to your sweet angel mama. I admire the way you have such a positive outlook on life sweet girl, and you can look back and see how much your moms passing has helped you and made you grow and help others. It is so special to know she is watching down on you, from her 61st party in Heaven and she is so proud of you and she loves you now, more than ever x

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  39. such an open honest post.
    you are so positive and strong x x

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  40. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago and her birthday was this month as well... I can't imagine reading a post that rings truer than yours. Thanks for reminding me how much she gave me and not how much I've missed.

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    1. Hi Lauren, thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear this, however I know they are both up there together watching down on us and are very proud. Keep your head up!

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  41. This was so beautiful Katie! I know that you're Mom is SO proud of the woman you've become and I feel lucky to know someone with such a good heart like you! :)

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  42. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! Heather.vonstjames(at)gmail.com Thanks!!

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